part philosophy, part ..blah..and entirely bullshit.

“Since when do I blow kisses?” I think, almost out loud, and the bus moves. Yeah, of course there’s more to it; the driver with long gray hair, the airport, the man who offers me his coat, my best friends parents and how I still call her that out of habit even though we're probably the farthest thing from “best friends”. Yeah there’s more to it, but I think ill just leave it where it is.

I should be doing math homework but as usual I’m engaging myself in something that gets me nowhere closer to where I “want to be in life”. I mock myself, but its true. Right now I can’t wait till May, I can’t wait to be done with IB, can’t wait to be done with high school. GAH. And what then? I’m trying to picture myself in a year, and I see nothing. I see nothing in the sense that I have no idea as to where I’ll be, what I’ll be doing. I’d like to think I do, I’d like to think I have it all figured out, but as usual I have no plan. I mean there is a “plan”, and I’d like to stick to it, it’s just that typically things don’t go according to it anyway. I almost like it that way. In fact the best things that ever happened to me occurred seemingly out of nowhere. You probably smiled when you read my last sentence either because you are selfish and you think I’m talking about you (which I could be), or you remembered a time when what I said applied to you, when things didn’t go according to plan and it was better that way anyway (I could be wrong, but this is just a transition), ah those pleasant surprises. To tell you the truth, I hate surprises, and that my friends is exactly why I’m always prepared for them. Sounds oxymoronic, but that’s what never having a plan is all about.

Back to the point, where do we all “want to be” in life anyway? What does that even mean: “Wanting to be in life”? Were so focused on what “we want to be” that we forget who we are. We forget that we live in the present tense. Instead of living our dreams, we live dreaming. Now I’m getting waaay too philosophical for my own liking.

Of course there’s more to it, but I don’t think I give a damn either way, that’s what not having a plan is all about.